Nobody's Car

It's 3 AM. You were asleep — or trying to be. Then it started. Six different siren patterns cycling on a car no one has come to claim, parked somewhere in the dark outside, doing absolutely nothing useful for anyone. You checked the window. You checked NextDoor. Fourteen posts, zero owners, twelve people also just complaining. You ended up standing on the curb in your boxers pressing your own key fob at a vehicle that is emphatically not yours, while the whole neighborhood lay wide awake pretending it wasn't happening.

「Nobody's Car」is the diss track that moment deserves — two-plus minutes of first-person petty fury directed squarely at one phantom sedan and the social contract it shredded. The hook hits like a car alarm chorus you can actually enjoy, the verses walk through every stage of overnight grievance (window check → NextDoor spiral → ill-advised curb investigation → useless non-emergency hold music), and the outro lands the one punchline the universe owed you. Petty, precise, and cathartic by design.

[Verse 1] Three AM, in my bed, trying hard to dream Then I heard it — beep beep WOOP WOOP — like a smoke-machine Pattern one, a steady wail like a cop chase scene Pattern two, a yelp-yelp-yelp that I have never seen Pattern three, that chirp-chirp rhythm of a screaming bird Twenty minutes deep and not a single soul has stirred I went to the window, hit the lights, looked out to find A navy sedan just SCREAMING at the neighborhood's mind Nobody running to the lot, no keys in hand Just the ghost of some bad parking on that God-forsaken land I searched my memory — whose car is that? Karen? Dave? The guy with the leaf blower down the back? I knocked on walls, I checked my phone — NextDoor, of course Fourteen posts, nobody claimed it, twelve responses: I'm annoyed That's not helpful! That's not COOL! I need eight hours, not a three AM battle of the fool!

[Chorus] Nobody's car, nobody's car (BEEP BEEP WOOP) Twenty minutes gone — nobody's car! (come on now) Six siren modes, no one's coming back (WOOP WOOP YELP) Lying in my bed like I'm under attack (under attack!) Nobody's car, nobody's car (that ain't mine) 3 AM and you are WASTING my time (oh!) Six siren modes, a whole symphony Would whoever owns this vehicle PLEASE set it FREE

[Verse 2] Pattern four — that European siren doing way too much Nee-nah nee-nah like the French police, who asked? Not us Pattern five revved up — some kind of robotic bird I'm standing in my boxers on the curb, absurd I tried the key-fob theory — walk around and press Somebody's gotta have it — nobody said yes Checked the plate — out of state! (naturally) A tourist just parked here and the battery went crazy I am not a violent man, I want you to know But I did Google how long till a car alarm won't go Thirty minutes max by law in most municipalities But laws at 3 AM are pure formalities I filed a report — please hold, estimated wait: nine Got transferred three times, elevator music the whole nine Disconnected at 3:47 — of course Now it's QUIET — stopped on its own, no remorse

[Chorus] Nobody's car, nobody's car (BEEP BEEP WOOP) Twenty minutes gone — nobody's car! (come on now) Six siren modes, no one's coming back (WOOP WOOP YELP) Lying in my bed like I'm under attack (under attack!) Nobody's car, nobody's car (that ain't mine) 3 AM and you are WASTING my time (oh!) Six siren modes, a whole symphony Would whoever owns this vehicle PLEASE set it FREE

[Outro] ... It stopped. Just stopped. No explanation. No apology. I lay back down. I closed my eyes. (BEEP BEEP WOOP WOOP) ...you have GOT to be kidding me.